Clementine and Walnut Tea Cake With Honey

It’s citrus season which means if you aren’t indulging in crates of those little Cuties, you are missing out! They are easy to peel and typically seedless making them the perfect snack when you’re craving a little something but trying to avoid sheer junk. I’ve been known to down them three or four at a time resulting in odd looks from others in the room. But that’s only until they get their hands on one and next thing you know, they too are deep diving into a citrus bender. Although, I’m not sure there’s such thing as a “citrus bender”. Fresh fruit is nature’s candy and I give myself a free pass when it comes to loading up. But, sometimes you want a more traditional bender. Something with a hint of “bad” diet so you can enjoy the feeling of indulgence. I personally don’t subscribe to any particular diet crazes but I still “get it”. Junk food is a guilty pleasure, the optimal word here being p l e a s u r e…

Aside from the artificial ingredients, it’s the guilt that’s gonna kill us. I heard somewhere that guilt is linked to chronic pain. I have no idea if that’s true, but my gut tells me it is. I developed a relationship with caregiver guilt while I was taking care of my parents and I know it’s something moms also experience when they need to step away from their children. We give ourselves permission to hurt with guilt, acknowledging our “less-thanness” without ever honoring the courage it takes to choose more.

I wish I could say that I’m done with guilt. It’s gotten much better now that my folks have both passed, and I can say that I feel relief and satisfaction from the choices I made along the way. Those choices have not been without consequences and everyday since, I am reminded that my current situation is the result of having CARED for my aging parents. I imagine how different things would be if I didn’t care. I imagine that version of myself would have more money, more success, more stability… But I also imagine that she would have some mental health issues around being a disappointment. I’m not sure I’d be able to look at her squarely in the mirror without shame. I can imagine that my not caring would have manifested into crippling guilt as when a life passes, you realize you can never go back. Amends for mistakes can no longer be shared with those that may have been on the receiving end, ultimately creating more work for you and your psyche. Do you see the problem here?

As we age, we start to lose things. We lose our health, our youthful good looks, and in cases of dementia, even our minds… In some instances maybe that’s not the worst thing. Depending on how we live, we might want to forget, as the anguish of regret becomes its own debilitating burden. Guilt is mental junk food and we need to stop feeding our minds with it! But what does that mean for guilty pleasure? Is there no room? Of course there is! The difference is we own it. We know our indulgent behaviors coax our pleasure receptors and feeling good IS our WHY. So why not? Choose pleasure and stay conscious of the guilt while remaining mindful that you have the c o u r a g e to chose yourself first!

The way I see it, the route to aging better is to care more about the care “giver”. The caregiver is the link between an ailing individual and their quality of life. Whether that means YOU or someone you’ve hired, invest in that person. Take care of that person so they may continue the selfless work they are doing. They are the ones keeping the person, the culture, and ultimately the system from deteriorating. They are the greatest representation of our civil society, filling the crack spaces of social services, many of which flounder in neglect.

Caregivers are destitute. They are working for pennies, if not for free! So good gawd, let them cake! Let’s help them eat some effing cake!!!! Let’s remind them that the village is here, fully intact, and they can rest without guilt because we are here too… sharing the burden because this is how situations get better. People care…

Close-up of all the caramelized citrus goodness…

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 2 tsp clementine zest
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1/8 cup heavy cream
• 3 round slices of clementine
• 1/8 cup juice from clementine
• 1 egg
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
• 1 to 2 tsp of honey

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease a bread pan and lay your clementine rings in the bottom
3. Take two bowls and in one add all the wet ingredients (except the honey) and in the other add the dry. Mix both separately then combine.
4. Carefully pour the batter into the bread pan (so as not to shift the rings) and bake for roughly 50 minutes until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
5. When finished baking, carefully remove the bread and cool on a cooling rack.
6. Once cooled you can slice the dome that formed while baking, off the "top" and invert the loaf so it rests easily with the celementine rings on full display.
7. Then lightly drizzle the honey over the top allowing it to absorb into the cake before cutting into slices.

How To Feed A Sailor

So, if you are following along with my story of Life After Caregiving for parents with Alzheimer’s and dementia in the pandemic era (see previous post), then you know that I am currently mid quarantine with some fellow crew members of the SSV Corwith Cramer. We have a few more days until we board the ship and my time has been spent preparing the food order for our month long voyage around the coast of Florida. I get lots of questions about the provisioning process and meal planning, so I thought I’d share a bit of what that’s like.

First I should mention the process of provisioning. Since I am typically providing three meals and three snacks a day for 30+ people, loading the ship with the necessary amount of food for a six week voyage is no short undertaking. Typically we work with a local supplier that delivers the provisions to the dock where the crew and I spend the entire day stowing it throughout the ship. While the crew works mostly on removing the excess packaging and sorting it by categories, I’m typically loading the freezer and reefer ( the boat refrigerator) in some semblance of organization. I say semblance because the volume of food we must carry results in a major packing effort. As much I hope to have specific zones for supplies, it’s often several weeks before the food has thinned out and I can reach for specific items. Until that point, it’s somewhat chaotic. What I mean by that is, meal “planning” consists primarily of items that aren’t easily accessible. The last thing I want is an avalanche of food descending upon me as I try to retrieve ingredients so my game plan tends to be “make whatever I can reach work” because just getting to the reefer/freeze is eventful.

What do I mean by eventful? Well, there is an element of gymnastic/ yoga involved when it comes to managing the galley territory. Items are stored in tight places and hard to reach spots. My day to day work routine is exhausting and beginning around 4:45 AM every morning, I make my way down this galley hatch which is literally a hole in the galley floor (aka sole) that leads to dry stores which houses the reefer and freezer. Now, I realize these aren’t the best of photos but hopefully they provide you with a sense of what’s involved. Every time I need to get something from either the reefer or the freezer I must crawl through this hatch, collect the items and climb back up. Unfortunately, the space below is only about 5 feet high so I also must manage an awkward posture while I’m down there, and remain vigilant not to bump my head. The engineers and I have had many-a-conversations about head banging. It’s a painful yet bonding experience that brings our two departments together forever! #LOVE

This brings me to the reefer and freezer themselves. I mention above that meal “planning” is somewhat out of question because they are both so full when we depart that it’s just unrealistic to assume you will easily find a particular item. Rather, I just grab whatever’s in front because, as you can see in the freezer photo below, there is not much space to maneuver things. (Sorry about the photo quality. I don’t have many shots of this kind of stuff.)

Just based on what I can see in this photo, I’d probably make something like:

• Breakfast: Blueberry danishes made with puff pastry (which is what I think is in that white box) and some orange juice cause there is a carton of it sitting in the door frame.

• Lunch: That bag of veggie burgers with roasted potatoes or something? I’d have to make some burger buns to go with them and any gluten free folks would get that Udi’s bread you can see sticking out up top.

• Dinner: Salmon fillets with whatever veg is accessible in the reefer.

• Snack: English muffin pizzas cause they are right on top and there is a huge bag of cheese right at the door.

This is a typical freezer situation when starting out on a six week voyage.

It’s not the most excited menu but as you can imagine, time erodes the supplies. This makes my life easier as the space opens up allowing me to shuffle items around and enabling more creativity with the things at hand. After about two to three weeks at sea I am able to “dig” for items that I know are I packed in certain areas. The issue at that point is the movement of the boat as items then have a tendency to move around. In addition to banging my head, my hands are vulnerable to being pinched between frozen meats and milk crates. Eek!

I should also mention that this is just the storage of fresh and frozen food items. All the canned goods and sauces and pastas, and cleaning supplies… all that stuff is stored throughout the ship under individual bunks (aka berths or beds on a boat). Again, I don’t have the best photos of this because I’ve been too busy taking sunset pics and not the various holes/cavities of ship storage so bear with me on these images. Below is a shot of my bed. Above is the bed for my cabin roommate. Under my mattress is a piece of wood which can be removed and leads to a space that’s roughly about 3 feet deep by 7 feet long by 3 feet wide and houses all those extra items I mentioned above. These compartments exist under each “lower” bunk throughout the ship and it’s my job to retrieve the necessary items for each meal. I delegate this task as much as possible but it’s safe to say that I am scurrying about the boat constantly throughout the day.

This is where I sleep when I’m on board.

Long story short, food management is a complicated component of sailing. The ordering process is terrifying for anyone that doesn’t love a good spreadsheet. #ME. But then the arrival of the food order several days later is it’s own special nightmare. Getting the food from the dock to their designated spaces requires a “can do” attitude that makes me love the sailing community. There’s a shared misery in getting the boat ready to sail but it’s worth it. There are absolutely trying times. Everything from bad weather, to equipment malfunctioning can ruin your day. The sense of real life urgency is unlike anything I’ve encountered in any other work environments and I find it humbling to be reminded of true priorities. The everyday distractions of life disappear when you are at sea and simple pleasures take over. Grated, my job is physically brutal. The days are long and loaded with challenges that no doubt shape my physical health and emotional character over the course of any voyage. It is however very rewarding to remember what you’re made of which after months of pandemic/caregiving stagnation is an absolute gift. When I head home after a journey I feel I return more confidant. I’m more satisfied with the person I am and grateful for having had the opportunity to explore the world (and myself) in such a unique way. It’s a hearty dose of tough love which can be hard to find in a world without my parents. There are not a lot of people that will deliver the honesty you need to set your life on a course correction but the boat always manages to do that for me. The ship becomes my home and the people aboard become my family. So, I guess the real question isn’t how to feed a senior or a sailor but rather how do you feed a family? It not easy but it’s done with love and I try to bake plenty of that into my meals to nurture everyone aboard until they return to their families and loved-ones.

Come back next Monday for one of my favorite snack recipes to feed hungry sailors!

The SSV Corwith Cramer is operated by the Sea Education Association and sails for science

PS-Sailors LOVE snacks but then again, who doesn’t? Until then, fair winds!

Life After Caregiving During A Pandemic

Hey Folks,

I have an update for ya. After nearly a nine month pause, this gal is headed back out to sea. Yep! This is a true story. Due to all things pandemic, my life after caregiving was postpone. No sooner had I graduated from the six year careship that was my parent’s battle with Alzheimer’s and dementia did a new health care crisis emerge. Covid-19, the ultimate set back. Obviously, all our lives were disrupted thanks to Covid but good gawd… the timing could not have been worse. I know that’s the case for many of us as no one plans for a pandemic but my short reverie as an international jet setter, sailing around the world cooking for the scientists of the future was one hell of a tease. In four short months I sailed the coast of New England and that of New Zealand before becoming sidelined. Again... In the house I just spent six years isolated in as a caregiver.

Early in the pandemic I felt well adjusted to being back home. The old habits and routines came back quickly and as many were struggling with how to deal with their new found time, I was busy cooking and crafting spoons with little difficulty. But as the weeks rolled on, anger brewed. The reality of another indefinite isolation period became a psychological haunt. I felt cheated. Again… of a life I wanted that was perpetually out of reach.. The old sense of defeat was back. Not only was the isolation factor getting to me, I also had the bills of inheriting a home with a huge mortgage, utilities, insurances, and bills of my own. The financial strain along with 6 previous years of unemployment thanks to caregiving was beyond comprehensible. It felt like the universe was pushing me towards a psychotic break. WTF?!!

Fortunately, life has that way of working things out. After months (years?) of wondering what’s next, there is a sliver of light on my horizon. Tomorrow I am setting out once again in an attempt to snatch a piece of that life I want. I’m joining the crew of C-295 for a quarantine period on Big Pine Key before boarding the SSV Corwith Cramer where we’ll undergo a very safe bubble merge with the incoming students before embarking on a month long trip around the Florida coast. (You can read the trip details and see the cruise track here.) It’s perhaps less exotic than past adventure but honestly, this experience couldn’t sound more perfect to me right now. The chance to safely escape everything from post election politics to the endless scrolling on screens for a chance to sail around the coast of my home state is an absolute privilege!

Rosebud, the best little girl there ever was…

I will of course miss my newly beloved Covid-19 foster fail pup Rosebud. She has been the best companion one could have throughout these last few months and it breaks my heart to leave her behind for a bit. Fortunately though, she will be in good hands under the pampered care of my brother whom I’ve drilled repeatedly about ensuring she remains my dog. I must also say how much I shall miss you, as it’s been this community right here that has allowed myself to cope with yet another season of chaos. Your support and encouragement have helped me weather the strangest of storms. I can’t believe how many of you purchased spoons and services over the last several months, helping me truly make ends meet! Your kindness and generosity have sustained me. I can’t believe that I’ve operated this little website as my full-time “employment” for the past eight months and I still own the house and the lights are still on!

In a show of gratitude, I hope to leave you with a few nuggets of fun while I am away. Every Monday I’ll be releasing a new post in this space. Recipes to try, crafty thoughts for your consideration, and of course, Full Moon Baking Club breads to get you through the year. Until then I will leave you with a few photos from my last sailing trip, giving you a little taste of my life at sea. And before you ask, no. I do not cook for a cruise line, nor do I work on a yacht. I cook for the Sea Education Association which operates two brigantine schooners. Trivia nerds should click that brigantine link. Might come in handy. ;)

Fair winds you fine folks! Stay safe this holiday season and I’ll catch-up with you in 2021!

Self-Care Reminders From A Chef Spoon

sold out

The Chef-y

Ok. I’m not going to lie. The Chef-y spoon looks good with the AM & PM Beverage Set and after some thought, it seemed unfair to craft wooden spoons for “drink” people and leave out my crowd of culinary friends. Home cooks, galley stewards, and gourmet chefs, this spoon is for you! For everyone else, let me introduce you to the spoon of spoons and the self-care reminders embedded in its use.

If you didn’t know, a Chef Spoon is a thing. It’s akin to the pen-in-the-pocket of the business world. A chef spoon is that equivalent for the culinary world. It’s a spoon you carry on your person, and its star quality, comes from its versatility. It can be used for tasting, cooking, plating or serving. Think of it as the humble kitchen tool that is always at the ready. A work horse on the line… But there is another reason I like it. All those things represent something more personal and more human. They embody the best parts about life; parts worthy of the reminder that sometimes in the pursuit of wellness, one must first thwart despair to make room for deliciousness. Are you ready?

Tasting, cooking, plating, and serving…

To taste life is like touching joy or pain. It’s a feeling. Something the human condition understands on an innate level. It’s emotional, intuitive, and expressive even if indescribable. But cooking however is physical. It’s our human capacity pushing back on the conditions of our environment meaning we, as living beings, can physically change space and circumstance through action. If I don’t stir the pot, the sauce is going to thicken and burn… Cooking is a conscious reminder that we have the ability to be change. The act of serving then brings us to the precipice of that change. (I know I skipped plating but bear with me.) Being of service is defined by having a sense of purpose and when you know you can make a difference, you become empowered by having a choice. That choice positions us on the forefront of decisions which directly influence those around us. One’s contribution is an amplification of personal efficacy, impacting immediate spaces and corroborating oneself as a source of spread whether it’s love, hate, or even a virus. So frequently we forget this, as I think at times we identify as far removed from “mattering”. We give up and settle on the default version of ourselves and never stop to think about how personal initiative (or lack there of) affects the well-being of both individual and community. We are connected you and I, even if only by a ripple, but a ripple nonetheless, and not to be ignored. Lastly, let’s go back to plating. This is the creative genius of your will to choose… Plating for a chef is the vision of spirit. It’s the manifestation of an idea come to life. It’s the bloom, the fruit of all fertilizer, the nurture that we can define as self-care. What’s on the plate is a series of choices and personal agency that collectively represent one’s commitment to “caring”. It’s the f#cks you have to give or perhaps more frequently, the ones you don’t. The plate is a taste of how you’ve been treating yourself, and indirectly, how you might be treating others . Have you been paying attention? Do you give a care? Why or why not? What’s driving your behavior?

This post is not to imply that everyone needs to be a chef to create good for the world. It’s just a little reminder that everyday life holds opportunities to improve the quality of the one we’re living. Ditch the paper plates and pull out the fine china. Try something different for the sake of curiosity. Dive into the details of everyday things and you might awaken yourself to a new sense of purpose; adding flavor to an otherwise bland landscape. It is said that we eat with our eyes but how many moments pass in as bland or bitter? How much of our lives taste processed or mundane? A settling for the status quo… a life without spice…

But satisfaction doesn’t come from lavishness. I think it comes by connecting with our human experience… recognizing we are the source of creativity, and to truly understand that, means we can change whatever task lies ahead. I wonder sometimes if it’s not that we feel powerless to take things on, but rather we just don’t have a clear vision for ourselves so we don’t understand how to tackle our wants, fulfill our desires, and adjust the setting on our primal default. The overwhelm of things gives way to inaction, and powerlessness is one of the fruits. What I like about cooking is I get to explore those things. I can taste the fruit. Add some sugar until it begins to taste sweet. Satisfying cravings is my adventure sport where I get to know the depths of my complacency. I can develop recipes for the areas where my life is lacking, and cater to both moments of nourishment and flavor. Being able to provide myself the right mix of ingredients satiates the discontent. It helps quell the frustrations, expectations, and projections of life tasting less than delicious. It’s also the drive that keeps me following curiosity. Instead of finding fault on the menu, I remember I can creating my own. I can cook my own meals, plating them, and even serving them so those around me can get a taste of my recipe, my version, my vision for a good life. It’s not a force feeding. There’s no need for a food fight. It’s just a reminder that kindness is merely at hand, and a chef spoon helps me extend it. It’s a humble spoon, but one of utility that graciously enables care.

I thought my thing was food. I thought pursuing a culinary career was the passion that would ignite my inner spirit and keep me safe from episodes of despair. Unfortunately it has not, and I visit depression just like many of you likely do. But what pulls me out of those periods isn’t my job, or my partner, or exotic travels you may have seen on my socials. Those are all great distractions for alleviating my mental health for a time but the thing that sustains in the long-term is art. Carving spoons is creative, as is the plating of my meals, or the pressing of flowers, or baking bread. These joys all began as small wonders that I’ve been chasing ever since. It’s been a journey of self-discovery that started with humble beginnings. I would never have believed you if you told me 10 years ago I’d swap my love of food, for a love of utensils but here we are… And it’s not a swap really. It’s an extension. One I enjoy sharing with you, because it fills me with purpose. I no doubt believe you too have something worth sharing even if you don’t feel it yet. I also believe it remains important that you find. We need that thing. We need it for the both of us. I want kindness to ripple cause I know with it carries a tide of wellness… So go explore and get curious. You’ll find it. Go on now. Get!

See what I mean? They look good together. I wasn’t lying…;)

4 Reasons You Should Consider Using Affordable Tech to Manage Diabetes Symptoms

Hey Folks!

I know it’s been all but forever since the last time you’ve seen a post here but that’s a tale for another time. Today I’m fortunate to have Justin Bennett from healthyfit.info, your one-stop shop for the best exercise routines, motivational tidbits, and more from across the world wide web. He’s got some tips on using tech to help manage diabetes. Read below for his suggestions then head over to his web page to get fitness news you can use.

Here’s Justin:

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With insulin and prescription prices on the rise, many diabetics may be looking for more affordable solutions to manage their symptoms. Although tech may not be high on that list, adding health and fitness gadgets to your daily routine can actually make controlling your diabetes and improving your well-being so much easier. Wondering how tech can help those with diabetes and how tech can fit into your budget? Then these tips may be of interest to you.

1. With Dicks Coupons, Tech Can Be Low Cost

If your fears about cost are keeping you from investing in tech that can make managing your diabetes easier, you should know that some of the most helpful tech can also be some of the most affordable for your budget. When you shop for health and fitness gear at stores like Dicks Sporting Goods, not only can you take advantage of in-store discounts that can save you money, but you can also use online coupons that can save you even more. Some of these promotions offer cashback bonuses on your purchases, so you can invest in even more tech for your health and wellness. Fitness trackers can come in handy for monitoring stats, like your heart rate and daily steps, so you can better manage diabetes symptoms.

2. Tech Could Potentially Save a Life

Basic fitness trackers from are great gadgets for monitoring basic vitals, and can provide the motivation diabetics need to stay active. If you want even more for your money, though, you should consider investing in a smartwatch that has additional safety features. For instance, Apple’s latest smartwatches, like the Series 4, come loaded with features like a heart rate monitor, electrocardiogram and fall detection features that can be especially useful for older adults with diabetes. SOS and Medical ID can also be helpful for diabetics, and could even save your life in the event that you are unable to dial 911 during a medical emergency. Many Garmin smartwatches also have similar health and safety features, like an emergency contact list and an incident detection setting, if you are not an Apple fan.

3. Tech Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated

There are definitely gadgets on the market that have been created with diabetics in mind. Things like glucose tablet holders and glucose monitors can be easy to use and effective for helping those with diabetes manage their condition. Really, though, the most powerful way that tech can help you manage your diabetes is by encouraging healthier lifestyle choices. For example, if you are affected by Type 2 diabetes, maintaining a healthy weight can reduce your need for insulin, and the latest weight loss apps can make attaining your diet and fitness goals so much easier. Best of all these apps are simple to use and allow you to track things like food choices and activity levels, plus most of them offer low-cost or free memberships.

4. Tech May Be Covered By Medicare or Insurance

 If you’re still anxious about fitting health and fitness gadgets into your budget, know that there may be one more option for getting those devices paid for without impacting your personal finances. Under many Medicare and insurance plans, certain fitness trackers may be provided at no additional charge to those covered. These basic fitness trackers are only available to employees or seniors who are included in these select insurance plans, but there may be additional options to help pay for smartwatches as well. Aetna is now offering free Apple watches to customers, so long as those folks commit to specific health and wellness goals. So if you are covered by these plans, you could score free tech to manage your diabetes.

We already use technology to make so many other areas of life more convenient. So why not find ways to use tech that makes managing your diabetes less stressful? Investing in health and fitness tech can be fairly affordable, when you use the tips above. Plus, you may even be able to reduce your need for costly medications, which can improve your budget and your overall quality of life.

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Since I’m always one to add my own two cents, I thought I would share my recent experience managing diabetes. My partner’s father has struggled with the condition for years. We spent the holidays navigating everything from appointments with a dietitian for nutrition education, podiatrist appointments for treatments for his diabetic neuropathy, to struggles sourcing his Freestyle Libre, the blood glucose monitor that eliminates the use of fingersticks. On top of everything else, he’s also visually impaired due to the disease which increases complications of all kinds. Long story short, diabetes can control just about every aspect of your life. Without early intervention the condition can escalate, compounding one’s physical health and increase demand on caregiver support.

As many of you know, I was a long time caregiver to both my parents so I can’t help but advocate for the health and well-being of caregivers. However, as the demands of the “industry” increase, the most prudent way to support that demographic is by prioritizing your own personal health and remain vigilant in managing your own self-care. Outsourcing your health to others and assuming that third party is going to “fix” you is a medical misunderstanding. You have to be your own advocate. It’s up to YOU to do the work. Time and time again, I have seen the healthcare system crumble around the needs of those in desperate situations. The heartache of disappointment is almost as painful as illness itself. If there is anything I have learned from years of caregiving, it’s that the support we seek when illness befalls us, might not be there.

I hate to sound so grim but I’ve seen the shortcomings of the healthcare system up close. Even with great insurance there is risk in assuming you’ll receive “great” care. My advice to you is to hope for the best. Truly hope for the best and take advantage of what healthcare really provides. Take advantage tech and gadgets that can help put you in control. But also prepare for the worst. Do that by being proactive with your own health and being realistic about they type of care you can expect to have. Not only will this potentially alter your personal health for the better, but it might even help elevate the growing caregiving crisis we are experiencing as a nation.

Long-Term Care: Assessing Your Needs and Planning to Pay

Have you given consideration to your long-term care needs? Have you created a plan for how to pay for it? The cost of health insurance during our healthiest of years is already reaching harrowing rates. But what about those days (hopefully distant future) when we need a bit of extra help. If it’s expensive now, we can assume it will be even more costly then. Fortunately, Harry Cline, creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers is here to help us with some of these questions. Read below for some suggestions on how you can start to think big pictures for what long-term care might look like for you or your loved ones.

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While it isn’t pleasant to think about, there is a good chance you will need some type of long-term care in your senior years. Long-term care doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be put in a nursing home. In fact, assisted living facilities and nursing homes are more expensive than in-home care. Long-term care simply means any sort of custodial care you’ll need for more than two months, whether that be admittance into an assisted living facility, adult day care, or an in-home health aide.

 Planning for Long-Term Care Needs

 To assess the likelihood of your needing long-term care in the future, take a look at your state of health. Does your family carry any hereditary illnesses or conditions that could show up down the line? Fortunately, there are now predictive genetic tests that you can take to catch some of these early. However, it’s important to know that carrying a condition like Alzheimer’s means you won’t be eligible for long-term insurance.

 Barring genetic issues and accidents, your health is largely in your own hands. If you don’t already lead a healthy lifestyle that promotes longevity, make a resolution to change as soon as possible. One of the best things you can do for your long-term health is exercise regularly. You only need 90 minutes of exercise a week to reduce blood pressure levels. Exercise 450 minutes a week, and you’ll significantly reduce your chances of premature death.

 As mentioned earlier, in-home care can be significantly cheaper than an assisted living facility or nursing home. If you are part of the 87 percent of adults who wish to age-in-place within their own home, it’s important to make sure the house facilitates that. Either find a home that has accessibility features in place or budget to make the renovations yourself. You’ll need to make modifications such as installing railings on both sides of stairs, removing any loose carpeting or rugs, and changing to automatic night lights.

 Paying for Long-Term Care Needs

 The further you are from retirement, the more options you have when it comes to saving for long-term care. An easy way to make sure you’ll have the funds no matter what is by investing in long-term care insurance. Long-term care insurance is expensive for a reason. Insurance companies know just like the rest of us that healthcare costs are rising steadily, as is the aging population. The chances of someone needing to actually use that insurance is pretty high, thus the high premium.

 Another option you have when it comes to saving for your long-term needs is a Health Savings Account (HSA). a Health Savings Account is a compound interest savings program that allows you to contribute a certain amount monthly without having to pay taxes. The funds can be used on a variety of healthcare costs, including custodial care. The best part about an HSA is you can access the funds tax-free for everything from acupuncture to X-rays. If you want to access the funds for any other purchases, you can do that as well! Just be prepared to pay taxes on it.

Long-term care isn’t necessarily as scary as it sounds, but it is serious business. The costs of healthcare are rising every day, so it’s something you need to plan for. When assessing your risk of needing long-term care, there are predictive genetic tests you can take. However, your best bet is reducing your chances of needing long-term care with a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise. If you prefer the idea of in-home care over being admitted to an assisted living facility, you have to make sure your house is ready with accessibility modifications. To pay for your long-term care needs, you can invest in insurance. However, this is an expensive option and ultimately useless if you end up not needing it. A Health Savings Account, on the other hand, allows you to save thousands a year and benefit from its tax-free status and compound interest to pay for long-term healthcare costs when the time comes.

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Do any of you have experience with a Health Savings Account? It has only recently popped up on my radar but after struggling financially to afford life crippled under my parents health, let alone my own healthcare, I’m developing a budding interest in all things financial. Share your experience affording care in the comments. Many of us new to caregiving are clueless about this stuff so your input is extremely valued here.

New Moon, New Spoon

I’m pretty focused on fresh starts right now and with a new moon upon us and spring around the corner, I’m starting to shift gears. Unfortunately, change doesn’t always arrive lockstep. It feels as though I’ve swapped one holding pattern for another, and waiting and time remain the constant backstory. After four years of sitting idle caregiving for my parents, they have both now passed and yet I remain. Even the dog is no longer company and so the question of home feels foreign as I remain in their house but lack everything else.

There’s an emptiness here that I hope holds space for a new beginning. However, cold starts are a struggle and the days are slowly slipping into months. It’s hard to grasp the slowness though. Whereas before the nothingness dragged, I am now consumed by the clock ticking and yet, I have nowhere to be. No job, no curfew, no obligations to be accountable to… Just me and again, this strange relationship with time.

The Pleiades Slotted Wooden Spoon is available in the shop. Click here.

If you read my father’s obituary then you know Space was a big deal for this household. Like, as in “lunar landing/ satellite telemetry ” big deal. Growing-up with a human calculator was no easy task for a girl afraid of math. But somewhere along the way I gathered the significance of measurement relative to his passion for Space. I remember him giving me a gyroscope once as a gift and forever trying to get it to spin upon a string. Only now, as an adult, am I making sense of it. In watching this gyroscope video and seeing one in action do I realize how planetary this gift was and his own interest in celestial movement.

Time often accounts for change and those changes parlay seasons. And now, amid all the change that lays so heavy in my air, I am reminded that the seasons of life can account for nothingness and without much attention, life just passes by. So, if you have ever come to this page and wondered about the Full Moon Baking Club or my obsession with time it’s probably worth noting that the space-time continuum is some complicated mathematical model that I’ll never truly understand but thanks to the gyroscope, I can trust that this time will pass. Nature is cyclical… Seasons are cyclical… And if there is ever a clock worth trusting, it’s not the one that tells the time; it’s one that tells where we are in the cycle.

It’s understandable that the seasons of life can be difficult and if you are anything like me, you might find yourself far from one that brings a good harvest. The growing ain’t good right now cause I have nothing much to sow. I’m just now sorting seeds. It’s not realistic to assume life will magically fall into place. But time itself is a kind of magic and so a little intentional seed planting now will surely grow into something later. What better time keeper than the moon? (I think my dad would agree.) And what better way to track change than pursue a craft? Time lends itself to the artisan maker and good craftsmanship can take a lifetime. For the moment all I have is seeds. Time will tell but until then… new moon, new spoon!

3 Big Benefits of Yoga for Seniors and Caregivers

Lately, my biggest grip about being a caregiver is how sedentary I have become. I spend most of my days watching my dad watch TV and it is literally killing me. I’m developing aches and pains from the lack of movement. I’m agitated and cranky almost all the time which can’t be good for my blood pressure. And perhaps the worst is knowing I should do more but don’t and so it’s all of the above with a dose of guilt to go with it. Cheers to meh…(Insert eye roll here.) Fortunately, I trust this is just a phase. I’ve always been a relatively active person. I’ve dabble in seasons of less movement but for the most part exercise is my health insurance. I know how important it is to one’s overall sense of wellness which is why I am so happy to introduce you to Harry Cline.

Harry is the creator of NewCaregiver.org and author of the upcoming book, The A-Z Home Care Handbook: Health Management How-Tos for Senior Caregivers. He is a retired nursing home administrator, father of three, and caregiver to his ninety-year-old uncle. He is more than familiar with the challenges and rewards of caregiving and understands the role is often overwhelming for those just starting out. Through creating his website and writing his new book, he offers caregivers everywhere help and support. We are lucky to have him with us today to help shed some light on the role of flexibility. That’s right folks! FLEXIBILITY! And balance and mindfulness… But as we move into December we should be remember that this is the “home stretch” of 2018 and there is still time to finish strong. Since both seniors and caregivers (or anyone for that matter) stand to benefit from developing a consistent yoga and meditation practice, Harry is here to share his tips and help us get started.

Here’s Harry!

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Yoga is for everybody. It might sound cliché, but it’s true. There are many benefits of doing yoga for people of all ages and any fitness level. Chances are, you already know this. Perhaps your friends do yoga at a Silver Sneakers class. Maybe your physician told you how yoga can help ease those morning aches and pains. Yoga can be good for you physically, but did you know that yoga has a mental advantage, as well?

Aging isn’t easy, but neither is being a caregiver. Doing yoga together can help alleviate stress and tension while also getting your bodies moving. Caregivers often have little time for self-care, so doing yoga together is a great way to encourage them to work on their own physical and mental health. The same yoga sequences that can benefit seniors can also benefit caregivers.

1. Balance

There are many yoga postures that help improve balance, which has a positive impact on memory and brain function. The brain is home to your body’s balance sensors, so poses that focus on balance can be positive for seniors who may be experiencing mild cognitive impairment. These kinds of poses can also help improve your agility, which can help prevent falls. Balance poses require our attention every second, which improves the equilibrium in both our minds and bodies.

Try This Balance Pose: Tree

Standing with one leg planted firmly on the floor, bring the foot of your opposite leg to your ankle, calf, or thigh. This is the start of tree pose. You can stretch your arms out to the side, press them together in front of your chest, or raise them up over your head. If you feel a little wobbly on your feet, hold on to the back of a chair, a door frame, or a wall.

 2. Flexibility

As we age, our bodies become tighter and tenser. This is also true if we are more sedentary or stressed. Yoga improves flexibility by helping our muscles, tendons, and ligaments elongate and stretch so that our bodies let go and release. It’s important to take it slow -- if a pose is uncomfortable, but you can breathe through it, see if you can stick it out for five to 10 breathes. However, if it feels painful, back out until you find a place that is a comfortable challenge.

Try This Flexibility Pose: Sitting Pigeon

There are several ways to do a pigeon pose. If you’re new to working on flexibility, sit firmly on the floor with your knees bent and feet flat on the ground. Plant your hands behind your back and lean back a bit. Bring your right ankle on to your left thigh just below your knee. If you want to deepen the stretch, bring your right hand to your right knee and apply gentle pressure. If this pose is easy for you, try a more advanced version of pigeon posture.

3. Mindfulness

Yoga helps us connect our minds and bodies, increasing awareness about how we feel and why we act. Yoga, which literally translates as “to yolk,” makes that connect by emphasizing meditation and a focus on breathing. One way to make yoga a habit with you and your caregiver is to set up a meditation space in your home. Choose an area free of distractions and with nice natural light. Roll out your yoga mat, set out a few cushions and light a candle, set out aromatherapy scents, or play calming music.

Try This Breathing Activity: Three-Part Breath

Sit comfortably on the floor or a chair. Roll your shoulders back and down and put space between your ears and your shoulders. Place your right hand on your chest and your left hand over your belly button. Inhale into your belly — your left hand should push forward. Then, move the inhale upward, drawing the air in between your ribs and finally in your chest. Exhale in reverse. Practice making this breath smooth and fluid, like a wave rolling up when you inhale and down when you exhale.

 Yoga can help both you and your caregiver improve your physical and mental well-being. However, just as important -- or maybe even more -- it can bring you closer together, creating a happier, low-stress household.

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Me again…

This topic brings up several thoughts specifically in terms of relationships. I’ve long been searching for an alternative version of “mommy and me” activities that are more aptly appropriate to adult children and their aging parents. It is true that both seniors and caregiver stand to benefit from engaging together in activities. Additionally, activities that promote the physical well-being across generations stand to gain broad acceptance as both youth and elderly populations find their lives increasingly intertwined. But the question is HOW? I anxiously await programs that recognize that senior wellness initiatives must also apply to their caretakers. Programs like Silver Sneakers offer desirable benefits to the senior demographic but I wonder how many would-be participant don’t enroll because of limitations surrounding their caregiver’s access? This trend is also visible at senior centers where age restrictions often limit caregivers from attending and therefore keep many seniors from utilizing available community resources. I see a growing need to bridge this arena if we truly want to improve the culture of aging in America. The exclusivity surrounding age related access is a disservice to quality of life, and I look forward to more perspectives like Harry’s that highlight the intersection of seniors and those that care for them!

And if you are a caregiver, I would love to hear your experience finding activities that cater to both you and your care person. I’ve struggled finding activities that offers both my father and I and opportunity to grow. Aside from the local library (which could benefit their service by creating a senior section mush like a children’s section) I’ve experienced very little in the way of mutually supported service. Rather, what I observe, is the catering to one or the other which feels more like a wedge between the two world and thereby crippling either’s ability to thrive. I, like many caregivers, live without the luxury of separating our experiences. Our lives are conjoined and that I’ve come to accept, but as a caregiver I feel the marginalization of this role. I want to hear your thoughts about organizations, ideas, and/or experiences aimed at addressing this unique circumstance. How can we fill this gap?

In Loving Memory Of Gratitude On Thanksgiving

Last year, I remember going through the effort to create a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. I made all the sides and meticulously selected the dishes for serving them. I prepped dough for pies, made cranberry sauce, and even brined my turkey in preparation. I remember tending to my small flower garden and freshly picking a bouquet for a vase to display on our kitchen table. I remember finding a yellow table linen and some candle sticks, archived in a closet, and pulled them out to add even more of a sense of holiday spirit. I spent the whole week really, just getting ready, and true to food blogger form, I shared much of those moments on social media. But here’s the thing about social media… The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing. At the end of the day, my Thanksgiving extravaganza, as much as it was “shared,” was a lonesome table for none. A table for one never felt more lonesome because even I was a no-show. Why bother if it’s just for me? My father wasn’t interested in anything more than his usual peanut butter and jelly and I mostly felt defeated in recognizing the reality. I had no one to really share my Thanksgiving meal with and I couldn’t help wondering, what was the point?

“The communities we make online are never a substitute for the real thing.”

Fortunately, my childhood best friend Erika, invited my dad and I to her mother’s house. Prior to her phone call, I felt sad for myself. I went to great lengths to create a Thanksgiving feast, so intent for the purpose of sharing but without a single human to enjoy it with. I actually felt pathetic… Showboating for a social media post… It took some effort to convince my dad but we went and so did my side dishes! It was remarkable to witness generations of a single family all in one place, eating and laughing, and even arguing at times but ultimately enjoying each other’s company.

Erika saved my day but there are many folks without someone to share in a sense of togetherness. The company we keep helps form our communities and a life without the presence of another is depressing at best. We are increasingly separated by circumstance, be it a natural disaster, political differences, civic duties and your run-of-the-mill, family dynamics. There are endless reasons for why we can’t come together, which makes me think that the effort to unite is time well spent. The holidays give us that reason. They provide great impetus to strive for union even as aspects of life will forever remain obstacles. But defeat is not an option, right? Challenges, no matter how they appear, are opportunities to double down and compound efforts when they matter most. So this year, in recognition of so many that are separated by unfortunate circumstances, I am sharing gratitude and hoping it carries good tidings to someone that feels lost, or helpless, or alone , due to playing the tough hand life’s dealt.

“You don’t have the right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt.
You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.”

— Cheryl Strayed

So, in honor of November’s gratitude call, I’m attempting to give back to two organizations. The first is the veteran’s organization, Hope for the Warriors, that has a scholarship program and additional support services specifically for caregivers. As a caregiver to my father, whom is a veteran of the Korean War, supporting Hope for the Warriors is an initiative I can get behind. Additionally, I have formed an unlikely friendship with a man named Richard, a Vietnam War Veteran, whom spent the last five years caring for his wife as she suffered from Alzheimer’s. Richard and I quickly bonded over the stress of the caregiver life. He has helped me some in managing my dad and has also become my mentor of sorts into the world of copper and scrapsmithing. It’s only fitting that our first collaboration serve to benefit those in similar situations. The Copper Cutlery Set is our proudest collaboration thus far and we are happy to dedicate 25% of the proceeds to help fund caregiver initiatives with Hope for the Warriors.

Richard in his shop, Photo credit: Angel Kulynych

The second organization I want to support this month is the International Association of Fire Fighters that have been heroically serving on the front lines of the wildfires raging throughout California. The Torched Oak mixing spoon is for sale with 50% of the proceeds going to IAFF as I can think of nothing more symbolic of life support than a spoon. The handle detail includes torch marks honoring the brave men and women fighting on the front lines to protect individuals and communities from the threat of wildfire. So many have already lost everything but this is a little something I (or rather, we) can give back in support.

In the scheme of things, the cash amassed for these two organizations through spoon sales is nominal and it’s easy to fall prey in thinking one’s efforts are not enough. But for the person that feels they have lost everything, the smallest of gestures can feel like the world. We live often disconnected from the impact of meaningful relationship building. I say meaningful in that feelings are exchanged over a shared experience where multiple parties connect through a mutual affection for a moment. Creation of a sense of belonging with intentional gestures to foster a fellowship for care… This is how we cultivate community.

Last year, Erika ushered me out of my depression and into her community with a small gesture of kindness. It was just a phone call, but more than that, it was care. And as you gather this Thanksgiving Day, I hope you take a moment to acknowledge that this day is special. Not for the food or the history of how Thanksgiving came to be, but the fact that we just don’t do a good job of creating opportunities to build connections. The holidays in general, for better or for worse, give us reason to be together, so let’s make it count!

A Goodbye Lullaby

This one is gonna hurt...

Buddy Love.  That's what my mom called him.  Our good boy that's been the glue of this house for roughly 16 years has left us this evening and it's heart breaking.

As the days pass we'll come to learn what it means to lose a caregiver.  They say that caregivers often die first, leaving behind the ones they were watching over.  He was a good look-out. Vigilant.  He alerted me to all sorts of disturbances, like when my mom would rummage in the kitchen and hide food in strange places.  He would wake me, hours before twilight, observant to my dad putting his shoes on and heading for the door.  He was invariably in the middle of things. We joked that he was the "Fun Police" cause there was no such thing as sneaky if he was around.

We've spent the last three years following him around, enthralled just enough to make Buddy our purpose.  He gave us something to do.  He protected us from the stings we inevitably inflicted upon each other. He was a coat to cry into... A friend that was always there.  Comfort.

Goodnight baby Bud. Sweet dreams...

Taking Control of Your Physical and Mental Health in Your Golden Years

Heyo!

June Duncan from Rise Up for Caregivers and I are back for another tag-team venture on senior health and this time we are changing-things-up!  Rather than the usual intro/outro format we are adding a bit of weaving.  Within her article, I've peppered my thoughts and added points of perspective and resources that I've found to be personally helpful during my own careship.  That's right!  Careship, which is the new term I've started to use in identifying my role as a caregiver.  Like any tour of duty, my time serving in this role is temporary.  I'm an active duty caregiver but I'm also so much more and I'm finding it increasingly important to make that distinction.  I'll have more on that topic later but for now June and I are doing our thing.  My thoughts are below in italics.

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Our lifespans are getting longer worldwide. Thanks to improvements in medical science and technology, humans have seen marked improvements over the last several decades, and many people alive now can expect to live well into their 70s and 80s. The percentage of centenarians -- that is, people who reach 100 years of age -- is also rising. The choices you make each day help determine not only how long you will live but how well you will live in your final years. Your quality of life and your quantity of years are dependent on taking care of your health right now.

See Your Doctor

The best way to ensure you stay healthy is early intervention. Regular checkups help you catch problems early when they are easier to address. Even if you feel healthy, it’s important to get regular checkups. Everyone needs an annual exam, but seniors may benefit from more frequent care. It’s also important to comply with your physician’s directives and take medication as prescribed. Get regular vaccinations, including the annual flu shot, and get tested for bone density so you can identify concerns and respond promptly. Broken bones are more dangerous for the elderly, and osteoporosis is a serious issue for your health and longevity.

I'm gonna add, take care of your feet!  If there is one thing that geriatrics could advocate a bit more for it's podiatry.  As senior mobility decreases I find it ironic that there is not more awareness around foot care.  Get pedicures!!!  And if you are a caregiver to seniors get them together.  Feet are easy to neglect, especially when they are not your own and the last thing anyone wants is long, sensitive toe nails that making walking or wearing shoes painful.  This only adds to the risk of falling so get-on these trips to the salon and self-care yourself! 

Take Care of Your Body

A healthy diet and a good exercise program will give you more energy and resilience. Talk to a nutritionist to help you identify any nutrient deficiencies you may be experiencing. Replace empty calories with nutritious fresh fruits and vegetables, protein, and heart-healthy fats. Eating well will help you heal from injury and illness, and it may also help you to improve your mood and preserve your mental cognition.

Anyone familiar with the website Blue Zones?  Their motto is "live longer, better" and exploring their research is worth the time suck.  Go get lost in their website and see what you learn...

Twice a week I would take my mom to the local gym for a program offered through Silver Sneakers.  It is a light, group exercise program for people on Medicare and I used it as an opportunity to work on my own health at the gym at the same time.  And obviously, she was all about her gym look!

Studies show that moderate exercise for as little as 30 minutes per day can lift your spirits and help you to retain your physical mobility. It helps prevent the onset of diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. You can break it up into 10-minute increments throughout the day and switch up your activities to help you stay motivated. Take a walk in the morning, go for a bike ride in the afternoon, and do yoga or tai chi in the evening.

If you are a stay at home caregiver, unable to leave the home and need your own physical outlet, I strongly recommend this book:

100 No-Equipment Workouts Vol. 1: Fitness Routines you can do anywhere, Any Time

By Neila Rey

I've been working my way through these workouts with the goal of completing all 100 by the end of 2018.  It's great for anyone too mentally exhausted to come-up with workouts.  Personally, I don't want to have to think about what I'm going to do for exercise.  I just want to do it and be done with it.  I have too many other things to think about during my day.  As for fitness, I know it's important and just want to get it done and move on.  So far this book is working for me.  It rids me of my many excuses, the biggest being "stuck at home with no time or equipment".

Lower Your Stress Response

The long-term consequences of living with high stress levels are anxiety, depression, weight gain, cardiovascular disease, and maybe even dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Exercise is a proven stress reducer, but you can enhance its effect by learning a few relaxation techniques. Focused breathing exercises help you to reduce your heart rate and blood pressure and get into a more relaxed frame of mind. Mindfulness meditation lowers stress-related hormones like cortisol in the body. Additionally, you can do things to make your life less stressful overall. Avoid over-commitment with family or friends and learn to say, “no.”

Have you tried Headspace?  It's a meditation app and website dedicated to helping you get calm.  There are subscription options for those ready to dive into a committed practice but there is also a free program that I highly recommend.  For anyone that's been a bit lost in how to get zen, Headspace offers smart guidance with a series of introductory meditations that are worth exploring. 

Just as you scale down your social obligations, you can scale down your household junk. If you haven’t used it in a year, get rid of it. Cluttered homes make people feel uneasy and sad. If they impair your ability to clean, they can even make you ill. And if there are things in your home that aren’t safe, consider making some modifications.

June and I dedicated a whole post this very topic.  You can read it right here.

Get Plenty of Rest

The physical and mental effects of sleep deprivation can lead to serious health concerns. Initially, being overtired can affect your performance and thinking in the same way as an intoxicant. But over the long term, your missed sleep can add up to diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. Set a bedtime and follow it. Cut out caffeinated beverages in the afternoon and evening to help you get sleepy at the right time. Invest in room-darkening blinds, good sheets, and comfy pillows to help you find sweet dreams.

#koolbob still reads every night before bed.

Your quality of life is a direct result of the care you give your body and mind, so make sure you’re giving yourself every opportunity to have a long, healthy life. Your loved ones want to enjoy your company for as long as possible, making memories for years to come.

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Alright, now it's your turn! Whether you are in your Golden Years or not, let us know in the comments below how you are harnessing efforts to address your physical and mental health.  We are in an age that is ripe with self-care and long drank the kool-aid that sharing is caring.  Share your self-care tips!  Tell us about resolutions, best practices, new routines, and failed attempts. You're the expert of your experience and we want to hear from you.

Sincerely,

June & Ashley

*June's book, The Complete Guide to Caregiving is expecting to be released this winter!

Daily Needs Assessment: A Key to Quality of Life

Hi folks!

I'm back here with another guest post from June Duncan, the author of the soon to be released book The Complete Guide to Caregiving and creator of Rise Up for Caregivers.  This time around she comes to us with great information relating to senior independence and some tips for assessing when a caregiver may need to step in.  Identifying these things early can help caregivers (or future caregivers) mitigate problems. Forecasting possible scenarios is a step towards putting a plan in place and I speak from experience when I say you don't want to be caught off guard.  Many of these suggestions are short-term solutions that can help pad the timeline surrounding a more significant transition.  It can be overwhelming to tackle all at once but take notice, address what you can, and begin assessing the needs of your senior loves. 

Now, some words from June:

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Image courtesy of Pixabay

Caregiving for a senior loved one can feel like walking around in the dark sometimes.  However, there are key ways to improve your senior’s quality of life and meet needs more clearly.  With a well-defined assessment, you can enhance your loved one’s independence and relieve that stumbling-in-the-dark sensation.

Gauging independence

Certain tasks performed in everyday life are necessary for independent living.  Those tasks are termed Activities of Daily Living (ADLs), and include items such as dressing, bathing, eating, using the toilet, and being able to move from laying down to standing.  Sometimes with a little support in these areas, seniors can continue living at home and remain reasonably independent.  The first step in deciding whether your loved one can safely remain at home is clearly gauging how much assistance is required in performing those tasks.  Carefully assess your senior’s ability in each of the ADLs, using a sliding scale on how much help is needed to accomplish each task.  This may seem a bit overwhelming, but there are a number of tools available for making this evaluation, such as the Bristol Activities of Daily Living Scale. 

Simple alterations

Once you complete an assessment of your senior’s abilities, review your loved one’s living situation.  Oftentimes, the home environment can be effectively improved with minimal effort, allowing greater safety and peace of mind.  Ensure the main living area is entirely on one floor, with access to a bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.  Then review the living area for enhanced mobility and reduced safety risks. 

For example, the National Institute on Aging recommends reducing slipping and tripping hazards in the home.  You can do this by removing furniture and opening floor space for your loved one.  Reduce clutter such as magazine racks and piles of newspapers, and eliminate or secure throw rugs.  Stairwells should include a sturdy railing for support, and electrical cords should be safely secured away from walkways to reduce the risk of tripping on them.  Ideally, floors should offer improved traction; you can leave surfaces unpolished or install nonskid strips to enhance your senior’s safety.  Some experts also suggest removing thresholds so your senior doesn’t need to navigate steps in and out of the home and between interior rooms.

Improving visibility is another simple but important way to enhance your loved one’s safety and independence.  Even if your senior is still enjoying good physical vision, sometimes comprehending what is being seen is an issue.  There are several simple ways to help.  Stairs can be marked with different colored tape so the changes in levels are more easily seen.  Similarly, use high-contrast colors for floors and walls.  Eliminate window coverings and rugs with complex, confusing patterns. 

For better accessibility in bathrooms and kitchens, consider installing lever-style faucet handles instead of knobs.  Single levers are best, since they are not only easy to grip but also reduce the risk of scalding.  Use base cabinets for the majority of storage so your senior doesn’t need to climb to reach items, and add lazy Susans and pull-out drawers to reduce bending.  Some professionals advise adding grab bars in bathrooms to reduce risk of falls. 

Services and resources

When considering what ways your loved one’s quality of life can improve, explore resources in the local community.  As the experts at HomeAdvisor explain, seniors can often enjoy remaining in their own homes through the benefits of supportive services.  Meal providers can deliver nutritious food and reduce shopping and meal preparation responsibilities.  Transportation services can allow your loved one to run errands and reach medical appointments even if driving isn’t feasible.  Money management professionals help seniors who are no longer able to perform all of their bookkeeping obligations.  For specific services and resources available in your locality, contact your Area Agency on Aging. 

Assessment is key

A good assessment will help you identify your senior’s limitations.  Once you have a clear understanding of where needs are, you can directly address those concerns.  By modifying the living environment and employing supportive services, you can improve quality of life for both you and your aging loved one.

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Alright, now it's your turn.  Do any of you have experience implementing any of these suggestions?  Or, do you have any questions that June or I might be able to address?  We understand that the world of caregiving is increasingly isolated and decision making is often challenging without a sounding board or support system to help provide some perspective.  As always, this space strives to create a community for the unique needs of caregivers so please don't hesitate to tell us your thoughts.  We want to hear from you but we also want to learn from you. Drop us your thoughts and lets get to discussing!

How To Cope With Caregiver Guilt

Life is what we make of it, right?  This is what we are told.  That if we push through time with the right amount of vigor, we can achieve our dreams with a full heart and a happy ending.  But rarely do these tales mention entrapment via circumstance.  Seldom do they reflect that choice is usually conditional. 

White Pumpkin Recipe 1: Curry pumpkin soup with barley, fresh tomatoes, scallions, cilantro and coconut milk.

As caregivers we are often accustomed to squelched hope and rarely do these stolen dreams leave us clues for reparations.  However, a passage through loss, be it people or dreams, is never short on perspective.  Hindsight hurts for all the things we didn’t see before.  The pain doesn’t stem from whom or what is now gone; it’s a pain from recognizing what we had, and the failure then, to act.  It’s all the missed opportunities we can’t get back, and learning in the now, how to sit with forever. These are the seeds of our guilt and no one else can help us sow them.

White Pumpkin Recipe 2: Pumpkin paratha with cumin seeds and cilantro.

Caregiver guilt is akin to a wet blanket and industry insiders are quick to call for its disposal. It’s heavy, burdening one’s mental health, and hardly the stuff of optimism that dominates the world of self-care.  But in truth that blanket, wet as it may be, is constructed of fibers, entwined with layers that represent so much more than what most outsiders perceive.  It’s a compass that governs our future selves.  It’s not to be cast off, but rather something to heed, as it provides a rare peek at our unmasked emotion.  It’s the truest reflection of the stranger we keep inside.

“Sometimes the only thing that’s different is our perception of what ”is”.  And sometimes the only way to see that is to listen...”

White Pumpkin Recipe 3: Warm white pumpkin salad with barley, kale, cilantro, pepitas, and lime.

Guilt doesn’t have to imply flawed. It can be embraced for growth even when it doesn’t fit well with the mainstream social construct.  We can’t be afraid to feel guilt’s weights.  We’ve been carrying it around long enough for it to become us. It's in our fiber.  And to quote the song from this previous post: "it's in my honey, it's in my milk".  Why not give it pause and listen to what it’s saying.  There is more to it than just the burden of weight.  It has a message and needs some breathing room to develop it's voice. 

Just breathe… 

Things might begin to look different, even sound different, even when circumstance remains the same.

Grieving The Loss Of A Partner

For those of you that have lost a partner... 

Not just any partner.  The partner.  The one that you can't let go of and in many ways you never will.  Cause why would you?  One is one and one only.  Don't let go.  Move along but never let go.  Such tragedies represent life's finest achievements. You won at love...

Hold tight!

Cinnamon Rolls

These cinnamon rolls don't exactly represent my dietary belief in "how to feed a senior" but you know... Life is for living!  Items like these gooey cinnamon rolls feed happiness and I think that's just as important as nutrition when it comes to living a good life.  We need to indulge more in simple pleasures.  That's been a real thing for me lately.  Simple pleasures...  I keep an eye out, trying to take note of when I happen upon one and I'm often surprised at their ubiquity.  Sometimes observing one turns into a slew many and I feel a wave of gratitude for this "time" and that doesn't quite fit the stereotype of the caregiver demise.

Caregiving can feel much like purgatory but I'm often taken aback at the moments I catch myself quite content with my baking, gardening, and crafting. I'm frequently bitter at all the moments this experience has stolen from me but its been long enough now that I've come to accept the terms.  There's no going back to the days of what was.  There's only forward. And in this march, I've grown deeper into my hobbies.  This journey is cultivating skills that only come with time and for that I am grateful.

Ingredients

For the rolls:

• 3 cups flour + more for kneeding
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 2 tsp active dry yeast
• 1 1/2 cups warm water

The filling:

• 1/2 stick of melted butter
• 3/4 cup of brown sugar
• 1 tbsp of cinnamon (or even more to taste preference)

The frosting:

• 1/2 cup of softened cream cheese
• 2 tbsp softened butter
• 1/8 cup of powdered sugar (or more or less per taste)
• 1 tsp of vanilla extract

Directions

1. Combine all the ingredients for the rolls into a large bowl and mix to combine. Add a dusting of extra flour as necessary to absorb moisture and work into a manageble dough ball.
2. Turn dough ball out onto a floured surface and kneed for about 10 minutes adding flour as necessary to keep the dough from sticking.
3. After the dough is well combined and you are done kneeding, lightly oil a large bowl and place the dough in it and give it a swirl so the dough has been lightly oiled. This will keep it from sticking to the bowl later.
4. Cover the bowl and let rise for about 1 hour or until it's doubled in size.
5. While the dough rises prep the frosting.
6. Place all the frosting ingredients in a bowl and combine with a mixer till all ingredients are well incorporated (be careful not to over mix).
7. In another small bowl combine the brown sugar and cinnamon for the filling and set aside.
8. When the dough has doubled in size, dump it out onto a floured surface.
9. Roll it out into a rectangular shape roughly 1/2 inch thick.
10. Drizzle the melted butter on top and brush it to cover the top leaving an inch on all sides.
11. Sprinkle the brown sugar/cinnamon mixture evenly over the buttered area.
12. Starting with a long side, roll the dough up into a long dough snake (Dough snake? Is that a thing?).
13. Cut the dough into 2 inch pieces, discarding the two end pieces that lack the filling.
14. Place the rolls cut-sides up into a buttered pan, nestling them next to eachother but leaving room for them to rise more.
15. Cover and let rest for about 30 minutes
16. Meanwhile begin preheating the oven to 375 F degree.
17. After 30 minutes and the rolls have swollen in size, place in the oven and bake for 30-35ish minutes until the tops turn golden brown and the inside tempurature reaches 160 degrees F.
18. After baking scoop spoonfuls of the frosting on top while the rolls are hot.
19. Wait a few minutes and let the frosting melt a little then spread it around the tops in sheer decadence.
20. Next, give most of these away so you don't die from a binge eating bender... ;)

Dark House

I can only speak for myself when I say that the desire to produce anything personal, at this point stems from the utter frustration of maintaining a life that prioritizes other people's priorities.  Nothing feels like it's for myself. I spend my days picking-up the crumbs of a life in regression and hope it amounts to something meaningful.  I'm not sure that even makes sense but you know what? NOTHING MAKES SENSE!

Can you feel my rage?!  I am angry!!!  I am angry that every single day I spend an absorbent amount of time cleaning-up after my dad, understanding his insurance, watching his "shows", paying his bills, and running his errands.  These things are not for me!  Just like your office job is likely not for you.  But the grudge here is that you get to go home after your crappy day to a house that you keep for you, upholding your lifestyle, consuming your preference in media, enjoying your version of downtime...  Well, there is no down time here.  Not in the way that bodes well for sanity.  The stress fractures are everywhere and the cracks are slowly giving way...

Survivorship

It's been two years now...

en·dur·ance

inˈd(y)o͝orəns,enˈd(y)o͝orəns/

noun

1. the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way. "she was close to the limit of her endurance" synonyms: toleration, tolerance, sufferance, forbearance, patience, acceptance, resignation, stoicism

adjective

1. denoting or relating to a race or other sporting event that takes place over a long distance or otherwise demands great physical stamina. "the annual 24-hour endurance race"

You Are A Survivor

The bits of you that are broken, the bits of you that are damaged, do not see them that way.

Instead see them as slowly being filled with beautiful experiences and truths you have learned from the damage, the equivalent of lacquered gold.

I want you to remember you are not a broken thing. Instead, you are a human full of incredible and wonderful experience, made of the same things swords and diamonds are made of.

You are a survivor, my darling, and I salute you for everything you have been through, and for making the universe so proud, so very proud of what you have become.

~ Nakita Gill

Recipe For Self-Care

Long story short, I need therapy.  And I need it in any form I can get it.  It could be clinical but right now I would welcome any and all forms. Massage, retail, physical, medicinal, smudge stick? They all could work.  Since my mom's abrupt passing, my life has been spinning so fast that I can't seem to tell up from down or right from wrong.  It's all a jumble of voices telling me all the things I should do.  There is no shortage of advice for the grieving but you know what the grieving should do?  Freaking grieve! Ugh, hilarious!!!  I laugh at my own suggestion because a month consumed in the end-of-life aftermath would prove that only a naive person would think our culture allows room for mourning.  No.  There is no room for that so I warn you not to get your hopes up.  Any space you create for yourself in loss is merely a distraction from our cultural demands of filing paperwork, paying lawyers, fighting probate and navigating the system.

“Job creation is code for bureaucratic paperwork.”

I used to think the system was flawed and we were a family falling through the cracks but that's not the case.   The system is not flawed.  It's fixed and I realize now that I wasn't a pawn being puppeteered by the masters but rather, I was (and remain) a cog, diligently filing the paperwork and stroking the flame of "progress".  At a later date I might go into more detail about these things but in effort to stay on topic I'll quickly say this; job creation is code for bureaucratic paperwork. If you are curious to understand what I mean watch this Ted Talk.  Our situations are different but exactly the same and at this point I struggle with defeat.

See what I mean?  There is a darkness here and I live with it daily.  It's not grief. I wish I had room for grief but I am so consumed with a bitter disgust for the way the world works that I feel I need a complete cleanse of the mind, body, and spirit.  My thoughts are bitter, I feel like crap, and my spirit...  Like I said... Defeat.  To crush the souls of the living I am sure steals magic from the world.  One by one, I can feel the world becoming a dangerous place as those like me take there position alongside the army of the raged.  It's an army of those who feel burned and irrationally waiting to strike, given the opportunity. It's not a good place.  

Therapy.

So, what's the fix? I'm going to try swimming.  For the month of September I am going to practice with the city's master's swim club which is an adult swim program that holds practices daily with a coach. I am hoping I can swim the rage right out of myself and get back to a more forgiving person I am comfortable being.  I am only saying this here for accountability because these days it's hard to hold myself to anything other than pajamas. 

Magic.

I'm also putting faith into all the other magic the world is gonna throw my way. The awesome folks at the Jewelry Studio of Wellfleet sent me an amethyst necklace, symbolic of healing and comfort for the grieving.  What they probably didn't realize was amethyst was my mom's birthstone and purple was her favorite color.  Right now it's so much more than a necklace.  It's a shroud to treat the wounds of a broken heart.  

Magician's hands.

My mom and I, we were just getting started.  Her hands were harbingers with talent and creativity that was unmatched, even against Alzheimer's. For the first time in a long while I felt traction for "promise".  I was embracing the role of caregiver. Re-branding it even... I started to feel the potential and together, I imagined us making great things.  I was just finishing up the foundation when she was stolen from us, a loss that feels like insult to injury.  It's been a raw deal these last few years...  I'm bitter and things are dark but what would you expect after being repeatedly shown that wounds don't heal, they only grow deeper.

Depression is ok to visit but not a good place to live. Thus begins the journey of moving on.  Last night was a new moon which is said to usher in new energy. I'm ready.  I look forward to clarity and hopefully the calm it could bring. I am anxious for some stillness and a twinkle of light...

TLDR: Plan your days by the light of the moon as the sun will never wait for you to catch your breath.

UPDATE 9/21/16: I've been cross posting the details of this journey on Instagram @ashleylook1 under #selfcarerepair.